God Speed

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Gary Speed, 1969 - 2011.

You may almost be feeling jealous this morning.

Gary Speed dies and the outpouring of grief and love and respect is enormous.

Imagine if that was you.

That would solve a few problems, wouldn’t it?

If you were to die today – like Gary did yesterday – your problems would be over and people would love and respect you the way you always wanted them to.

The way they love and respect Gary.

But the love and respect being poured out in print and on the airwaves this morning is masking something an awful lot bigger – sadness and anger and bitterness at Gary Speed’s passing.

You can be sure his wife and kids love him, but that’s probably not the primary emotion for them just now. They’re probably feeling confused and helpless and angry, consumed by the enormous emptiness left by the sudden death of someone close to them.

His team-mates and coaches who put so much trust in him will be feeling the same way. Shay Given’s tears yesterday were testament to that.

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For all their money and fame, Shay and Craig Bellamy and Robbie Savage would surely hand over every penny to have Gary back with them this morning on the training ground or in the café.

They will all be ransacking themselves this morning- was there something they could have said or done to make him change his mind? The vacuum left by his passing will be filled by countless “if onlys”.

However dark and cloying and suffocating, however hopeless it seems, suicide is not the answer. Your problems may cease in that awful, violent moment at your own hand, but the suffering of those around you would be only beginning.

But don’t do it for them. Do it for you- for your own good, pick up the phone and get professional help.

No-one is going to tell you that defeating depression will be easy, but at least it won’t be the end.

Most people were shocked by Speed’s death because the rest of his life looked so promising.

So is yours. Go live it.


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3 thoughts on “God Speed

  1. How tragic, as suicide always is. I feel for his wife and kids.

    There is nothing logical about the decision to take one’s own life. In my own experience, I had family and friends telling me how illogical the whole mixed state was. I understood intellectually, but intellect and logic are not your companion when you’re in a severe crisis. Pain and suffering are your 24/7 companions. And, when that pain and suffering becomes unbearable, isolation takes over, detachment from those close to you begans to occur and then you slip from reality into a phycosis. That has been my experience.

    If not for the thoughts of my children and my incredible wife who never gave up on me, I would be gone.

    I am humbled and glad to be alive today!

  2. Good for you Iceman, and thanks for being so honest.
    You’re right – like a lot of human behavior logic doesn’t come into it, which makes it so hard for people outside to understand.

  3. Pingback: God Speed - Journalist.ie