Power addicts anonymous

- Hi, my name is Micheál and I’m addicted to power.

- Hi, Micheál

- Go ahead man, you’re in a safe place here.

- Thanks lads.

I’ve been an addict for years and things were fine. I had all the power I wanted, but ultimately me and a few others abusers used it to destroy.

In the end, we made a lot of people suffer, and then our power got taken away.

- Good for you, man. What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger, bro.

- I thought so for a while too, but deep down I wanted it back more than anything.

- That’s natural man, trust the higher power.

- Lately, I find the craving is back, more intense than ever. And I’m back to my old ways. I mean, I just stabbed a friend who thought she could trust me in the back.

- What?!?

- No-one’s judging you here, Micheál.

- Thanks lads.

It’s just instinct. She wanted to use the power for good, but the rest of us just wanted to keep it for ourselves, just like the old days. She says we’re hopeless, we can’t change.

- So what did you do?

- She held an intervention and told us we had to use the power for good, for the weak.

- How did you react?!

- We mocked her and laughed at her.

- You LAUGHED at her?!

- I thought no-one was judging me here?

- For fu… go on, Micheál.

- I can’t help it. It’s the crowd I hang around with.

For years, we had all the power we want, and now we have nothing. So we fucked her over in the press, made her out to seem just like us – a greedy, power-hungry, self centred bitch, when in truth she’s nothing of the sort.

But goddamit, we’re good people, we work hard – we DESERVE power! NO-ONE deserves power more than us!!

- Micheál, I think we have discovered the root of this issue. The first step to dealing with your addiction to power is to admit you have a problem.

- I DON’T HAVE A FUCKING PROBLEM WITH POWER! THE ONLY PROBLEM I HAVE WITH POWER IS THAT I DON’T FUCKING HAVE ANY!!

ME?! YOU HAVE A PROBLEM! SHE HAS A PROBLEM!!

- Micheál, there’s no need to get aggress…

- FUCK YOU!!! NOT ONE OF YOU FUCKERS WILL GET ON A TICKET AT THE NEXT ELECTION!! NOT ONE FUCKING POSTER, YA HEAR ME?!?

- OK lads, we’ll have to leave it there for today. Please remember that what you heard in this room today is confidential.

- FUCK YOU!! FUCKING BLUESHIRTS!!

*Micheál calls a number on speed-dial*

- Is that Seán O’Rourke?

Book me in for tomorrow morning, that uppity bitch is getting it in the neck…

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