You may almost be feeling jealous this morning.
Gary Speed dies and the outpouring of grief and love and respect is enormous.
Imagine if that was you.
That would solve a few problems, wouldn’t it?
If you were to die today – like Gary did yesterday – your problems would be over and people would love and respect you the way you always wanted them to.
The way they love and respect Gary.
But the love and respect being poured out in print and on the airwaves this morning is masking something an awful lot bigger – sadness and anger and bitterness at Gary Speed’s passing.
You can be sure his wife and kids love him, but that’s probably not the primary emotion for them just now. They’re probably feeling confused and helpless and angry, consumed by the enormous emptiness left by the sudden death of someone close to them.
His team-mates and coaches who put so much trust in him will be feeling the same way. Shay Given’s tears yesterday were testament to that.
For all their money and fame, Shay and Craig Bellamy and Robbie Savage would surely hand over every penny to have Gary back with them this morning on the training ground or in the café.
They will all be ransacking themselves this morning- was there something they could have said or done to make him change his mind? The vacuum left by his passing will be filled by countless “if onlys”.
However dark and cloying and suffocating, however hopeless it seems, suicide is not the answer. Your problems may cease in that awful, violent moment at your own hand, but the suffering of those around you would be only beginning.
But don’t do it for them. Do it for you- for your own good, pick up the phone and get professional help.
No-one is going to tell you that defeating depression will be easy, but at least it won’t be the end.
Most people were shocked by Speed’s death because the rest of his life looked so promising.
So is yours. Go live it.